Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
