were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
