The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
