I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
