this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
