I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
