tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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