we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize