if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
