i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
