Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
