I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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