What a fucking waste of an outfit
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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