i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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