He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
