whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
