Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
BRING THE BAGELS
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
