I just pynch a tree in the face
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
