Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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