Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize