i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
