Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
