Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
