So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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