This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
