You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
