Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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