You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
