is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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