I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
