dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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