I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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