His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
