I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
