literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
