***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
