I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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