Have you finally orgasmed yet?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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