I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
either way he was missing a nipple.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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