so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
