I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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