You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
