I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
