The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
