do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
