Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
