How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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