she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
