Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
