A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
