You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
