college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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