Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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