I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
