I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
