i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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