first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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