Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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