Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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