Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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