she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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