My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
