There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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