my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
