Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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