A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
