will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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