Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
we have officially lost it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
