This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
